Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
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