My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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