so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
