so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
