Tell her she can't have a vagina
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
