i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We left the knife in your bed.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
