i think my mom watched the whole time
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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