My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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