i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
