I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I want a musical about memes.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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