dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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