He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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