I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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