dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
