Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Welp...herpes.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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