That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
