so explain again why im purple
no
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
