why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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