Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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