Sponge bath it is.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
