I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Randomize
