u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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