The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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