Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
