He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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