I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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