bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
