awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
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