So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
