We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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