hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
