you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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