So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
