You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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