Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
