I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
