You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We got so high we made milksteak
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
