Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
