I cannot find my penis.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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