Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
