she told me i tasted like america
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
