Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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