So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
