Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
