i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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