I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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