just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
