Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
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