WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
