Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
