He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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